THINGS YOU'LL NEVER READ

BUDGET CUTS, Reckless ‘SEX’: misogyny and the angry bitch pt2

2011-06-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Far too often are there debates in politics where women’s issues are used to rile up the opposition and divert from the main issues.

The most recent adage the main stage of distraction is the cuts to Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Evidently Medicaid may no longer be used to provide women with birth control, cancer screenings or prenatal care. Yes, that’s what people have a problem with; a woman’s access to birth control and whether or not she can get an early cancer screening. Welp, no help for you.

Apparently Indiana Republican Governor Mitch Daniels (funny how his name rhymes with another more prominent term for a female dog, but I don’t want to insult the canine species or gender, but I digress), signed the law to restrict abortion and cut federal funding to the Planned Parenthood program.

Now here’s where things get highly convoluted. Medicaid was never used to fund abortions, for those who think so, you’re ill informed and it’s not surprise as to why.

The media likes to scapegoat others when it comes to the issue of tax spending. Truth be told the government $3.5 trillion on defense spending AKA Iraq and Afghanistan; this equates to 20% of the federal budget. Approximately 21% of the federal budget is spent on healthcare programs, only 1/3 of that amount is Medicaid, which roughly equates to 7% of the federal budget; that‘s nothing compare to how much tax dollars are used to feed, travel, and house these politicians (can you say government subsidized housing?).

Knowing all this, Medicaid is not the place to trim the fat good sirs. At the end of the day tax dollars are also used for the most ridiculous crap; like keep rodents on life support to test new drugs. Drugs which will need more drugs and a PR campaign stating that the side effects of such drugs are often worse than the illness they’re supposedly curing. I mean really, what the hell is restless leg syndrome; get the hell up and take a long walk.

Outside of the cuts to Medicaid, there is a bigger picture here, one of sexism. Yes, women have to suffer because sir Bitch Daniels; opps, sorry, Mitch Daniels and his constituents believe women’s issues can always be dismissed.

Often when the debate of abortion or unplanned pregnancy come up, it is the woman who have to take the knife by the blade and wear the blood as her scarlet letter. Evidently she got pregnant alone?

Fact is, though it takes two to tango, it is often the woman who has to provide for the child and far too often women are left to provide for the child alone, especially in minority communities.

These politicians have irrational debates on what is considered rape or when a woman can have an abortion, but none of them have a uterus and I often wonder how many carry pepper spray for fear of being raped, or don’t leave their drinks unattended for fear they will be drugged.

At the end of the day these budget cuts are purely a political chess move and do not take women’s rights and issues into consideration. Too many times are women treated as a minority/ specialized group and we account for 51% of the population.

Cuts to Planned Parenthood are not going to free up the budget and the burden on tax payers.

The rich get to stay rich because they don’t pay the amount of taxes they should. Some hide their money in off-sure accounts and some have so many tax write-offs it’s unbelievable. I’m starting to think there’s a conspiracy to keep the poor, poor and ill informed. Gasp, how could I say such a thing.

Well, not only do they cut Medicaid, they cut education too. I don’t see how they get away with it.

I know, they don’t tell you and more than likely this society we live in has become so jaded, we think there’s nothing we can do about it. If this is a supposed Democracy, the people have more rank over the persons in government.

Governor Daniels, you work for me and my uterus doesn’t want to remain cancerous because you need the tax dollars to fund the gas you use in your private jet to get you to the gulf course. Also, birth control pills are used for more than keeping a woman from getting pregnant.

Women cannot continue be the ones to be scapegoat in politics for Republicans and Democrats alike to get away with murder.

When people say things like “These girls need to keep their legs closed”, they often forget; these young girls didn’t screw themselves to get pregnant. Also, the amount of teen sex/ pregnancy incidences have dropped.

So, let’s just call a spade a spade. Government makes cuts and places blame on minority groups and women for government spending issues. Facts are facts people, don’t let media falsehoods sway you from finding out the truth under all the bullshit.

SEEING BEAUTIFUL...

2011-06-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

Though I may not fit the confines of arm candy, it seems as though every time I leave the house someone stops me to tell me I’m beautiful. That being said, I think we need to promote this, not just because it helps feed the ego, but its letting women who aren’t models know that their beauty is appreciated too.

Attractive cannot just be one ideal and girls of a certain size can be and are gorgeous as well.

Their beauty is not an acceptation either; in the sense that they’re attractive for a size 14-20. The fact is the media as become too pervasive in it’s dictation of ideals from beauty, to success, love and down to what underwear a woman should wear.

P.S. if you want my panties to match my bra, you can go shell out the money toluxuriate me with fanciful undergarments, I’m just making sure the one’s I wear are clean.

All jokes aside though, as women and men of the world there should be more to a person than the exterior, but sadly it’s what folks are judged on first, but it doesn’t rule out that their beauty might be behind all that.

Even I’m guilty of a few shallow moments, I’m human so I will faultier.

However I pride myself on my ability to see beauty in the masses, not just a man with the body of a Greco-Roman deity, but in the way someone carries themselves with pride and a sense of humbled greatness in each stride.

We need to learn to respect each other for more than the labels on one’s clothing.

Being that I am a woman of size I feel it is my duty to help bring an acceptance to the type of beauty that women such as myself posses. That being said I’m not here to glorify morbid obesity, but to remind of the reasons that artist such as Rubens and Botticelli are so appreciated for their works and perceptions of the feminine.

MISOGYNY AND THE ANGRY BITCH ptI

2010-12-21T22:48:00.000-08:00

"MISOGYNY: HARD TO SPELL, BUT EASY TO PRACTICE"

Well, it's no secret that we live in a male driven society; one that is often misogynistic towards women. However, when women call attention to it, they are perceived as angry, and justly so.

Why shouldn't I be pissed off that rappers think bitch is a synonym for women or that it takes multitude of half naked women to sell products. Why shouldn't I be mad that as a woman, I will first be judged by my looks and last be judged by my looks; all other qualities become less than secondary and even worse if you're passionate and have conviction, then you're just a bitter bitch. Gotta love the society that tells me to shut up and take it like a man (that's a joke, obviously).

That being said, I'd like to say that this is not about saying all men are evil and all women are innocent. Much like any social issue there are a multiple sides, multiple causes and multiple solutions to the problem. But just like any other social issues, it's difficult to find an solution when people will not have an open dialog that recognizes the main concentration of the problem.
In this circumstance, I am referring to the blatant disrespect of women and the close-minded mouth pieces that seem to want to take the stance on blaming the victim.

For example, I often hear that women killed chivalry with the women's rights movement. How nice, so I either take being beaten, raped and abused by my male partner and not have it seen as a crime in exchange for having you open the car door for me; or ask that I be treated equally as a HUMAN and give up the privilege of you opening the door for me. Yea, that sounds fair.

Let me just say that at the core of the women's rights movement it was a fight for women to have rights and the right to be heard, the right to an equal opportunity in the work force, the right to equal pay, the right to not be ashamed of being abused, the right to say I am a human -being; no better, no worse. I for the life of me cannot figure out why such a concept became royally fucked and turned into "Women fought for the right to be treated like a man so...".

No sir, don't treat me like a man, treat me like an equal. My vagina shouldn't be viewed as a deficit to my intellect nor conversational abilities. How sick are you of hearing, "well women are too emotional"? If that doesn't have a negative connotation, I don't know what does.

First of all, we all have emotions. It may be unfair that men are limited to their expressions of emotions due to societal norms, but don't use my aptitude for conveying or feeling as an insult. Truth is, men's emotions are limited in range, but hey that's not your fault. Secondly, if women weren't "emotional" the human race would die off. Let's face it 70% of women don't orgasm from vaginal penetration, yet we still engage in sex with some folks who really, really, really don't deserve it. You know why? Because we have emotional attachments to that person, we want to please them, we want to make them happy and at the end of the day we have to breed an procreate so, sorry if my emotions are infringing on your pursuit of pussy.

None the less, it's beyond disrespectful how women are still being seen as the "weaker sex". Last I checked the strongest muscle in the human body is the uterus and males don't have one. Also, don't take a difference to mean less than you. Men are women are a lot more alike than we know (I say know because no one's truly researches how men an women are before they engage in the exchange of insults).
Both men and women want love, both want sex, both want to survive, both want to be happy, both want the same, but both are different. It's like apples and oranges, both are fruit, but not the same.

At some point men need to look at women as more than a commodity. I'm a HomoSapien, not a Rolex, nor can I be exchanged for liquid assets. Wait... ok, maybe we can, but that doesn't make it right and I'm hoping you get the point.

At the end of the day this is a male dominated world, but for some reason women are blamed for the wrongs against them.
For example, women are told that mean treat women like shit because women allow it. I wonder when we will call into question the actions of the men? When will it be said that you will be showing more respect to yourself by respecting these women rather than using them for personal gain.

We have to understand this psychologically as well. If you can understand that when placed in a constant stream of troubles, people will learn to accept any degree above that as better. Therefore, if I am constantly abused physically, I will then settle for being abused emotionally. At least then I don't have to explain away the scars.
With that understanding, I believe it will be easier to comprehend that in a sleuth of boys dressed up like men/ Peter Pan complex, one will settle for the one in the best costume or the one not sporting the green tights with a wayward shadow.

Granted, like I mentioned before, not all women are angels or innocent of wrong doing to men, but let's just take it one step at a time. Like I said, we have to take on mending the biggest scars before we go tending to the little scratches attained throughout.

No, men aren't all evil and most men probably aren't away of their misogynistic ways, but can you blame them. If you grow up in a male dominated society, how is it possible for you not to be a product of your environment. The problem here lays in getting them to admit it on a large scale and go forth in fixing it.
We can't sit around all day blaming one another for where the problem started, but it needs to be addressed and solved on some level, because I would hate to have a daughter knowing what she would be subjected to as time goes on.

If the dating pool only becomes worse for each generation, what shall our children look forward to in life.

Remember the family is the first introduction to socialization and if we look at any problem in this world it is answered with community, love and family. So if we can fix the problems before we become a family, don't u think we would last longer?

STUPID AMERICAN'S? LAZY LIBERALS

2010-12-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well, seems like everything with any real journalistic content is now demeaned "Anti-American"; thanks Patriot Act, you've made me feel all the more secure about living in a so-called free country. Can you please instruct me when to bend over, if I'm gonna be anally raped, I'd at least like to be as comfortable as possible.

That being said... Really?!?! What the Fuck! Wikileaks, granted it may be unsettling to some government officials, it's actually news, and God knows how I've been yearning for some meat in this field of dry bones called journalism.

In today's society, news is anything celebrity and anything sensationalized to the point of ad-nausea. Give me a break, who the hell cares which rapper is screwing which video vixen, or which actor was caught in a hotel room with a consenting adult having loud ravenous sex (that's for you Charlie Sheen).

The point being is that there is no more investigative journalism, especially in the era of globalized governments monitoring your words and chastising for using your outside voice to call them out on blatant abuse of their citizens. Get that, CITIZENS, not terrorist. If it is a democracy, why are citizens being policed like radical jihad suicide bombers?

Simple, we live in what should be considered a Plutonomy: a society where a majority of the wealth is controlled by a shrinking minority; AKA what we Americans like to call our Capitalist society.

In such a society, how can the people ever govern themselves when it is the money that rules the world? How are we to make a government that answers to the needs of the people when the peoples voices can't be heard over The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, FOX News network, Viacom and Clear Channel?

With all the misuse of media, I call this the best war strategy ever. You're pacified, dumbed down and accept the bullshit with a side of over sexed advertising and celebrity menucha.

WikiLeaks is not the devil in this game, but they will be made an example of. I'm sure Julian Assage is definitely gonna pay for this one. As a matter of fact, who's to say he doesn't come up missing... and the worse part of this will be that even we, the "educated one's" will let it happen.
We're too filled with complacency and too jaded to be outraged into action.
We will only speak of this amongst our friends.

Make heated debates over the state of American media relations without ever acknowledging the part we play in the downfall of our country and our freedoms.
Freedom is never given, it is ALWAYS taken. However, we will drink the Kool-Aide, have our vegan pancakes, buy our Polo t-shirts, watch the latest celeb sex tape, complain and continue (not necessarily in that order).

We're signing up for the anal probe and complaining that the motherfuckers never bought us a drink first.
I'm not sure how we go about fixing the tumultuous relationship we as CITIZENS have with America, but we definitely need some group counseling ASAP.
The problem is, a vast majority of us cannot even agree on the fact that there is a problem, what the problem is and who to go to for help.

At the end of the day, I want to see some progressive change. I want to see the Dream Act passed, I want immigrants of colour to not be treated as the thorn in America's side (Mexicans are Americans read a book for a change) and I want our school opened back up. How about we pay attention to the truth, they close schools to build prisons. We use products in our developed country that 3rd world and under-developed countries wouldn't allow. We don't make products, the only thing America produces is celebrity and greed. Do you want that for your children?

Where does the truth come from if not our media sources and thorough investigation? Where do we get our backbone from if not the voices of the people? When do we stop writing blogs (Myself included) and do something?

THE SELF DEPRECATING FAT GIRL

2010-12-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

THE SELF-DEPRECATING FAT GIRL...

I find myself often criticized for my self deprecation; perhaps it's a defense mechanism, but it's based on some semblance of reality.

That being said, I am in no way confused about who I am perse, and most definitely not confused about my looks and my perspective of how I am viewed. These perspectives are often reflected in the media and in your general conversation.
Be that as it may, people still think me wrong for being too aware of the reality, or maybe it's that the truth is discomforting. It's much easier to be a pseudo-thinker with understanding than it is to acknowledge someone else's perspectives.

Anyhow, I decided to blog about this, because I feel my tongue is often misunderstood, probably for good reason, but then again how many people actually take the time to get to know me; there aren't very many and most are putting you in a box anyhow.

Blah, blah, blah... the reality is being large (5'10" and 200+ pounds) means as a woman, you are UNATTRACTIVE. Let's face it, attractiveness will always be relative to thin, white and blonde; the Eurocentric ideals if you will.
I'm far from thin, though not ugly, but being chubby cheek and black never made the cover of VOGUE.

Though women of every shape and size get the disrespectful cat calls and disgusting excuse for a man to hit on them, the ratio is far higher if they think you're easy. Let's keep it real, men think big girls are EASY. Why you ask? Their perspective is, "who else wants you" or "you should be honored I'd be seen with you in public".
Don't believe me, take a look around during last call at the bar, all the big girls are being hit on; last call for alcohol and last call for pussy and no one wants to work hard whilst intoxicated.

I have often had to deal with a blatant disrespect from men, especially on the the NYC arts scene. You'd be surprised at who tried to get some ass in exchange for use of their studio, or who wants to text dirty for pussy all while putting on a front of artistic depth... may I add a NIGGA PLEASE and let the congregation say PHUCK YOU!

All in all, when I make statement about my size, I am fully aware that I'm not considered socially acceptable, I also know when you think telling me I'm pretty will get my pussy wet. I may be jaded, but my synopsis is highly founded on reality and day to day observation/ data.
I know there are girls who befriend me as the fat ugly friend and men who think I'll phuck them because their cute and wanted. So, why tell me I have low self-esteem. Truth be told, I have low esteem for others.
Not to mention, we as humans are social creatures; it's not easy to walk around in a body that nobody likes, and even if they do, you don't match their outfit or persona so... point is, this may discomfort you, but I've never been into bullshyt.

Many women of a certain size know what you want and find it rather insulting.
At the end of the day, I am human too and have a lot to offer if given the opportunity to been seen as more than an angry black woman. Unfortunately I didn't pick my complexion or gender, but have to be subjugated to a stereotype without any understanding of character or how such views are made.

In this world, women are nothing if they're not sexy and who the phuck wants to listen to a fat broad with too much smarts... no one. It is as I was told, intimidating.
I can admit to wishing I was a white man for this reason: my views would be taken with more validity had they come for a societal authority figure.

Beyond all that, I'm not going to act like I am not guilty of a bit of judgemental, however, wouldn't it be nice if people were judge on who they are first. I know a man of passion wouldn't be called angry, he would be seen as having conviction. Unfortunately my vagina means I'm too emotional and lack the wherewith all to speak soundly on anything except shoes and glittery things.

At the end of the day, my views on my physical apparence aren't based on having low self-esteem, shyt if I was a man, I'd marry me. However, I'm not a man, but I live in a man's world where ass is your best asset and mine is a bit too much for tha masses. Being over-weight is the kiss of death to a woman. Society still has a free-for-all in barading people of a certain size with insults as if they have no feelings, as if this person is not deserving of love. A fat man can have a wife, but a fat woman with a husband is often questioned as to "how the phuck did she get him" and "why the hell am I single when I'm so hot". I've been guilty of saying it about women larger than myself and have also heard women say that when I am with a man they find highly desireable. Not to worry ladies, he was only with me for some ass and when he didn't get it I was a "fat sloppy bitch". Warms the cockles of my heart (que smilie face).

Needless to say... and to end this rant, which is becoming redundant. My self deprecation and many other big gals, image of self sometimes is justified. Fellas, when is the last time you saw a big gal who was attractive and didn't offer a backhanded compliment of "you're pretty for a big girl".
Guess what, you're not handsome enough to be sporting a little dick.
FIN!

Sarah Palin... Please Muzzle that PitBull in Lipstick

2009-09-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

I don't understand who keeps allowing Sarah Palin to make an idiot out of herself in a public forum.
I understand she has a certain corky kinda charisma, but her intellect doesn't warrant public speaking in the political arena. It's too much rallying of ignorance to gain some sort of republican stronghold. Even they have denounced her & yet someone is still giving her air time. This must be for shyts & giggles

No one really takes her seriously expect for the undereducated missing tooth, redneck, "I's be whistling Dixie" & don't mess with Dixie type. Or do they.
What the hell do I know.

I'm not politician, however I do notice that she seems to be a reliable distraction from core issues.
Sarah "Death-Panel" Palin served as a means to help blind side people from having a real conversation about health care. Perhaps that's why the republicans keep trotting her out every now an then. It's not that I know all the find print about the proposed health care plan or budget, but it definitely gave the GOP a new means of shock and awe.

Now I'm not giving democrats a way out by saying everything in the health care plan is all peachy keen, but how do people allow a mediocre political figure such as Palin to speak on this issue. It keeps us from really getting to the meat, bone & gristle that effect American citizens.
I need then to put a muzzle on this bitch. (Pit bull in lipstick my fat ass). I could conjure up more rational for the subject and I haven't even read the proposal for health care.

As if her idiocy is not enough of an issue, news media outlets are giving her serious consideration for 2012? You're kidding me. fuck outta here (sorry for the common vernacular, but I have limits). How could anyone take seriously. Even if we base our judgements on her political career, she has no grounds. We could get Marie Carie to run based on the same down home, I'm just a regular gal bull.
She was married to a separatist people. isn't that the definition of anti-American. She just became a republican. She's as reliable as Lieberman, which is a whole nother story (he's the definition of a flip-flopper, I would hate to play chess with him). I would rather vote the hot brown gift my dog leaves on the lawn for president than her.

She really has no merit and as an American I feel my intelligence is being insulted every time they mention her and the concept of presidency in the same sentence. How base do you think my intellect is.

2009-06-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Being in the studio is not necessarily a new experience, but it's definitely not something I'm used to.

So this past Saturday, June 5, 2009, I went to the studio to do a little recording. Well I came to realize after getting there I would not be working on anything of my own (Blue is sneaky).

Anyhow I had to say it was nerve racking, but I kinda enjoyed it, in-spite of the fact that they kept playing the track relentlessly and I hate the sound of my voice, even more when it's singing. Beyond all that, it was memorable, but one of the highlights had to be seeing Nasser (Blue's evil twin and a hellafied MC) in action.

Granted it was definitely a track for the radio (for some, that might not be a good thing), I have to say it was fiah!!! I loved how he just took to the booth like a pro. This was his domain. He knew what to do and how to do it, what sounds to add and just how to spit it. He told me it took eight years to perfect, and I could see the hard work.

I can admire the confidence he had in his ability to do, not only what he loves, but do it in such a way that he had me singing the hook when it was done.

This is when I stopped to think about the moment before when I had to sing in the studio and came to realize I need more confidence in my abilities in general.

That being said. It was eventful and an experience I can say I learned something.

SLOW DANCE

2009-05-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's because I never went to the promI want to slow dance you in the creases of my palm

Feel the memory of pulse points It beats smooth in vertebrae calling...A two step lover
Bliss looks like your smile in kin just before the ebb of lips bring nerves to halt
Romance me beneath your thumb
lull my lids to close blues to brown
to linger in this traces of nights air
to sip sublet winds next to waiting

This constant day dream is in melody
a broken note of reality that I will play for your ear
Listen
my thoughts sound like your impulses to move
freely bring forth the rhythm hiding behind your intentions

Creep ever so meek under the shameful blush of yes
The greed is raged silence needing

Pressure
like pixies fondling the tiny hairs on your skin
they know me all too well
stimulating nomadic souls to greet
here in this back and forth of this sway

Sometimes I think you to great to be touched
a fool in confident clothing
a question bolstering through my chest
before the end of this proximity...
...would you like to slow dance with me
Knickie D. © 2009

Religious Dogma

2009-05-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so there's the topic of religion and spirituality.
Many choose not talk about it and for some their so domineering, they could careless about what you have to say, which makes it really hard to talk to them.

How do you get someone to understand, that just as passionate as they are about their views of G-d, may very well feel the same about your views.
Some people feel as though their ideal are in fact the "Truth of G-D".
They'll go so far as to say it's not even their religious views, but the word of G-d. Well you know what you Zealot, some of use have our ideals in which we live by as well.

Is it not rude to assume those others a lesser person than you because they don't follow your doctrine.

I have a friend who considers himself an Orthodox Christian, which is all gravy to me, however he is so combative with every thing that comes out of my mouth. One can never get a word in edge-wise without hearing about "The Truth of G-d" and "The Devil".
Seriously dude. Can we breath and you not just make everything a religious conversation, especially since I'm not at liberty to mention my religious/spiritual views without a serious brow beating.

If a woman has sex with more than one man, he thinks she's a whore. If she doesn't fit a certain aesthetic (Light skin or a lovely caramel) well then she not worthy of his hand in marriage. He thinks the idea of a female or a genderless G-d of blasphemous and then proceeds to feel like I should no longer speak because I'm ridiculous. There is to be no other understanding but the Bible, which to each his own, but that's not me. Can I at least get some respect in saying I don't want to talk about it. For him, hell no. He will find a way to get back into the conversation and rant on and on about the sinful world and the ways of Satan and prayer not being in schools taking us away from G-d. Well you know what, with Christians like him, I would welcome being an Atheist sometimes.

This type of personality that he has and his verbose tendency to think that me not believing in G-d in the same fashion as him makes me wrong is really pissing me the F*&k off.
I mean can one have a conversation for once without you mentioning the "Word of G-d" apparently not.
I really believe that someone so filled with blind pride in his so-called faith really has no spine and cannot be expect to be taken seriously in any context if they cannot respect or understand the people around them.

Now it can be said that one should just avoid the topic of spirituality and religion, but with people like him, that's impossible.
Am I wrong for wanting to hang up on him repeatedly? I don't think so, but I feel as though people like him need to have more understanding and compassion before they go around berating people to death with their
rapture and wrath of G-d speeches.

I'm done.

KANYE MUCH?1?

2009-05-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Well how do I start. People who are cocky, in my opinion they are lacking.

It's acceptable for someone to attack a person with so called low self-esteem and tell them to think better of themself or gain some confidence. However, all too often the form of low self-esteem known as being cocky is mistaken for confidence or "swag". It's not

When you have to brag about yourself more than anyone else can, then you're trying to prove something to yourself and not the room.
You clearly need convincing that you're that awesome. It never hurts to re-evaluate yourself and the flaws you have, but when you act as though there's nothing wrong with you and BRAG ALL THE TIME then you really need help. You're the worst kind. Now you've become obnoxious (Kanye much).

Perhaps society needs to starting treating overt conceit the same as blatant self hate. Either way you are not all that sure in your own self worth.

Far be it from me to judge someone on how well they view themself, but if somethign is wrong and sed person is oh-so willing to bring attention to my personality corks of deprication, then why not return the favor.

We are all bit damaged, right? So why turn one into a better form than the other.
If you ask me whether you're Kanye or Woody Allen (Woody being that of the self depricating ind) it's not all that great.

Having body dysmorphia whether you think you're too fat and you're not or thin and too fat, it's all a bit backwards.

So for you, you cocky jackass, go sit in a corner and calm down. When you're done go get a therapist and some humility

Not-So-Kool Yoruba Brown!!!

2009-05-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, well I know (and don't challenge me on this), that looking the way I do is not socially acceptable.

I'm 5'10 and bucking the 200lbs mark... needless to say I'm over-weight.
This doesn't mean I'm ugly, but I'll be damned if the world can't make you feel it's so.

Recently I went on the scale and saw that I gained 7lbs (mostly in the thighs and face. Why would G-d curse me so). Anyway I gained some weight and I decide well, I lost over 140lbs I can get the last 20-45lbs off so I'm not eatting any junk food and monitoring my calories. However I still feel disgusting (Not in the Tyra Banks Top Model way).

I know I have self-esteem issues, but it seems to be hard for people to understand how I feel. I don't think I'm that fat most of the time nor to I think I'm unattractive. As a matter of fact, if I were a dude I'd do me and be my boyfriend (it's not hard to get someone to do you, but the committment is lacking...smh). Beyond that it seems quite common that I am relegated to the position of fat ugly friend, sidekick, and cockblocking wingmann (I don't cock block, but some men feel the threat and act on it).

Some men will hit on your friend and then not even say hello to you, as if you are a visual inconvience, but they will acknowledge you if they feel that the one they want may be swayed by you.

Don't do that. You think I can't tell that you throwing your arm around me and talking to me like we're friends for elementary school isn't some way for you to soften me up. Look jackass, I'm not stupid and I live in a world where I can tell and I am made fully aware more often than not, that I'm not to be the object of a gentleman's affection.

Beyond this, the one's I do attract aren't worthy of picking up my dog poop. (Buck-e just co-signed this).

Anyhow, I am a work in progress as many humans are, so I know that sometimes what we preceive may not be true, but it should be seen as valid and not treated as the feelings of a crazed fat chick. My experiences (Note I said MY experiences) have led me to these conclusions.
That I at times am not even worthy of being in the same room as so-called attractive, slim body women.

Making fun of fat people is the most acceptable form of bigotry going around. I have a friend who spent 25min on the train professing how she would hate to have a fat child and while doing so refuse to even look at me while speaking. How am I to feel that having a over-weight child out weighs your concerns for havign a child with severe retardation... really now.

I mean I don't want to dwell on the negative, but one can only take so much. No one can deny that being a so-called "Big Girl" doesn't sit well with society and you are treated as a lesser human for it. I remember a survey in high school showing that these high school girls would rather have AIDS than to be considered obese or over-weight. Seriously?! Well the survey did say they got to look like models... there's your excuse.

Well I guess I can only go on so long about this and feeling like sh*t about not being gorgeous, but hey, my dog thinks I'm cute... lol

I'm done.
Don't forget Love, Charlotte album release party this thursday @ nightingale lounge @ 8pm

Funny = One lonely bytch

2009-05-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not old enough to know everything, but I do know this much in my life experience (Notice I said "MY" life experience).

NOBODY wants to be with the funny girl... they don't take you seriously about anything and when you are serious, then something must ne wrong.If you flirt, then well., at least they'll phuck you, but they don't keep what they phuck, they keep what they love... or at least want to love...

Now this doesn't mean they want every other type of woman but the funny woman doesn't get alot of points by way of relationship. You get to be the friend (that they would phuck) or the girl who's cool in social settings, but men don't want more female friends.

Often times people might be affraid that the funny is a little too close to real and the reality ain't funny... ironic isn't it.
Well at least the funny one's have those traumatic life experiences to make jest towards and then secretly cry about it... lol
See the reality... funny, but not really

The Reason You all get Drunk Today

2009-05-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

Cinco de Mayo
The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be! And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be. Mexico declared its independence from (conqueror) Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico
It is a date of great importance for the Mexican and Chicano communities. It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla. Although the Mexican army was eventually defeated, the "Batalla de Puebla" came to represent a symbol of Mexican unity and patriotism. With this victory, Mexico demonstrated to the world that Mexico and all of Latin America were willing to defend themselves of any foreign intervention. Especially those from imperialist states bent on world conquest.

Cinco de Mayo's history has its roots in the French Occupation of Mexico. The French occupation took shape in the aftermath of the Mexican-American War of 1846-48. With this war, Mexico entered a period of national crisis during the 1850's. Years of not only fighting the Americans but also a Civil War, had left Mexico devastated and bankrupt.
On July 17, 1861, President Benito Juarez issued a moratorium in which all foreign debt payments would be suspended for a brief period of two years, with the promise that after this period, payments would resume.
The English, Spanish and French refused to allow president Juarez to do this, and instead decided to invade Mexico and get payments by whatever means necessary. The Spanish and English eventually withdrew, but the French refused to leave. Their intention was to create an Empire in Mexico under Napoleon III. Some have argued that the true French occupation was a response to growing American power and to the Monroe Doctrine (America for the Americans). Napoleon III believed that if the United States was allowed to prosper indiscriminately, it would eventually become a power in and of itself.
In 1862, the French army began its advance. Under General Ignacio Zaragoza, 5,000 ill-equipped Mestizo and Zapotec Indians defeated the French army in what came to be known as the "Batalla de Puebla" on the fifth of May.

TAG Records, is not what's up

2009-04-02T12:15:00.001-07:00

TAG, not so hot.
Knickie Duchatellier

It has been rumored that Jermaine Dupri might get booted from his position as President of TAG Records due to his falling out with DEF JAM, but lucky for him the deal with TAG Records and DEF JAM were separate.

On the down side however, TAG Records itself is not doing so well according to Proctor & Gamble (owners of TAG Body Spray).
It’s obvious to anyone who isn’t living under a rock that economy is keeping most from spending their money, which is one reason the label isn’t doing so well, the other is the lack of buzz around the labels initial artist Q Da Kid.

At the end of the day JD still reigns supreme over the TAG Records Empire, the question is, does anyone still care. Let’s see how those record sales do.

spoken word artist

2009-03-04T17:53:00.001-08:00

Legalizing Mary-Jane

2009-02-25T13:27:00.000-08:00

San Francisco Assemblyman Tom Ammiano argues that it’s time to tax and regulate your favorite herbal barbiturate a.k.a marijuana, as stated in the Los Angles Times on Feb. 24.

Supposedly this proposal would mean legalizing marijuana, which would make California the first state in the nation to tax and regulate recreational marijuana in the same manner as alcohol.
Ammiano's measure, AB 390, would essentially replicate the regulatory structure used for beer, wine and hard liquor, with taxed sales barred to anyone under 21.
He believes that this proposal will help in create state revenue on California’s largest cash crop.

This can be both good and bad news to some of those who have grown to love “Mary-Jane”. It’s great that you can start enjoying your time with your number one “Bud” legally, but you will be paying taxes for your torrid love affair.

But don’t get too excited about yet, it’s quiet obvious a proposal of this magnitude involving legalizing drug use is definitely going to be opposed by those who feel marijuana is a gate-way drug or would lead to a greater societal down fall.

Ammiano does try to appease them by pointing out the pros of legalizing the drug. He believes it would boost public safety by keeping law enforcement focused on more serious crimes and while keeping marijuana away from teenagers who can readily purchase black-market pot from peers.
Not to mention this would also benefit Mother Nature as well, because this would mean uprooting an environmentally destructive pot plantations t

The natural world would benefit, too, from the uprooting of environmentally destructive backcountry pot plantations that erode an already fragile ecosystem, Ammiano said.

Well with any luck and all things work in Ammiano’s favor, you can smoke weed and be environmentally friendly. And to think your mom thought you weren’t doing anything for society be sitting in the basement all day and eating all the Captain Crunch

Smoke Still Rises...Poetry

2009-02-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

On the corner where they place flowers for the dead

A ghetto garden
of innocence no to be forgotten
below the painted memories of eternity

The street lights punctuate the venom of snakes
in concrete grass
sneaking silence onto the tongues of onlookers

A shirt prances to a tune

“STOP SNITCHING”

And the smell seeps into the cracked life lines of the city

The smoke still rises…

Their eyes watch G-d
in astonishing disbelief

Perhaps lil’ Tyrell is holding winged horsemen at bay
for tomorrow in the ICU

Mama is repeating
somber concertos

A soundtrack to dreadful imaginatory fouter

“What If?”

Batted breath leaks slow from hollowed lungs
in and out

Of traumatic displays for funeral brochures

The smoke still rises…

The killers are always near

Where stuffed animals gather
to the sound of wailing sirens frequently daily

Those missed opportunities to tell LaShonda
…childhood is not a sentence to evade,
but they put and end to you

Period…
That precedes a muffled phrase
“STOP SNITCHING”

As the smoke still rises…

Distraught wrecks the haunted halls of an old Baptist Church

As the smoke still rises…

Daddy can’t be father
to baby gone too soon

… As the smoke still rises

A bullet whispered a bloody lullaby to an infant in slumber

Straight through the window/

Next to the Bodega/ on the corner
where the smoke is still rising

There are candle light visuals
for the incumbent souls

Reversed entrapment
made involuntary

Handed a nail for the coffin

… And the smoke still rising

The mournful bellows can’t bring them back

Can’t pull the images from the bricked walls
of the Bodegas on the corners…

Can’t pull blood from stone

As the smoke still rises

There’s a shirt humming

“STOP SNITCHING”

Outside the procession of tears?

Momma will miss you

The promises of love
beyond six feet of Earthy separation

And the kiss that kills you in parting

…the smoke is still rising…

And you can smell it walking

Down the hospital halls/ past the Church pews

It rocks the cradle

….and the smoke is still rising

To the street lights that burn tragedy in effigy

Near the corner

While it walks down the hospital halls

…and the smoke still rising

Past the Church pews

…and the smoke still rising

It’s rocking the cradle

…and the smoke still rising

Daddy can’t be father
to babies gone too soon

…and the smoke still rising

STOP SNITCHING?!

Momma will miss you

And the smoke
is still rising

A tulip-rose sunrise before my sunset... poetry/ free-write

2009-02-13T15:14:00.000-08:00

I thought you smelled nice
so I followed you in sweet dreams of September morning dew
Placed you in my hair for vanity and good luck

Stared between your iris
And skipped on the path of broken promises in searching
All because your fragrance lured me with temptation

Squeezed you between loose leaf binders
As keepsake
Keep memories
safely trapped in the folds of consciousness
basking in the amazement of the dynamic flaws in your colors

Created murals in your resemblance
Because I knew you wouldn't live long

Accentuated thorns since they were a part of our story
Linear and ever weaving turns in twilight

Captivated by the length of your grace
Stemmed truth in the cusp of a butterflies wings
Teased them to fly back to me to get one more whiff of an illusion in bloom

Sometimes i feel sorry for those who never take the time to get know you

Its as though G-d birthed you in closed nightmares & opened my eyes to see all your pedals in sunrise

Kiss me in the dew of September before
I fall asleep

Obama's stimulus package

2009-02-13T15:13:00.000-08:00

The House approved President Obama’s stimulus Plan on Wednesday, Feb. 11, 2009 with a 246 to 183 vote.

The $787 billion stimulus consist of 36 percent in tax cuts and 64 percent spending for social programs, however the GOP (Republicans) did not lend there backing to this plan. The most important aspect of this plan is that Obama plans to create over 3.5 million jobs, which during our economic times would be more than necessary.
Of those who voted against the plan, they believe there are not enough tax cuts to support our failing economy.

Apparently they’re romancing of the times of Bush’s famed $1.35 billion tax cut package of 2001. Which reminds me, can anyone tell me how we got into this crisis?

In the article posted on BBC News Online, Republican representative Mike Pence said before the vote: "The only thing the Democrats' stimulus bill will do is stimulate more government and more debt."

There go Obama’s plans to end bipartisanship in Washington.

2009-02-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Not that one likes to assume, but I'm certain most of you haven't heard of
Chen-Lo, and if I'm right, well then you need to get acquainted with Brooklyn's newest hip-hop export.

Originally from Philly, is story-telling lyricist has got what you've been aching for, that is if you're pretty much sick of what passes for hip-hop> these days.

On his track Brooklyn, Chen brings you his own views of one of New York's finest boroughs accompanied with a beat that you can't deny. Needless to say the tough hitting bass and drum is undeniably BK and you won't be able to> stop your head from co-signing every verse. BET even saw it fit to give him a big-up by airing the video for this track on 106 and Park, which can be> found on youtube.com as well.

Since you're dying for something new, check out Chen-Lo and download his> latest mix-tape, The Ink Well for free. Yea that's right for free, and since> we're in a recession you know you can't afford to say anything that won't>rob your unemployment check.

FOR FREE DOWNLOAD OF "THE INK WELL".

http://www.zshare.net/download/54414982813f0232/

First Blog

2008-08-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

So, I decided to start a blog to perge my writing urge.

I have a journalism degree, which is not being utilized and a brain full of sh*t that needs to be shared.

Therefore I figured I would start a blog to allow me to say whatever I was whenever I want about anything I feel is important and hopefully get a few people who are interested to check it out.

This first blog is an intro to me. I want to give people some perspective on my frame of mind before I actually write anything that irks me beyond the fact that at this moment I feel a great amount of disappointment when it comes to my life. Now don't get me wrong, I don't blame others for this, but I do know that I have to start things myself.

If you want to write, then write, hence the blog, and if you want to create then do so.

This is essentially my starting point of letting it out so I can push forward to where my passions lay.

Enough about that.

Like I said I love to write, I also love to paint, draw, and do any and all things that will allow me to be creative. I'm also a poet. With that said I am also a very passionate person and when it comes to issues of race, sex, religion and politics in general I tend to fell exceptionally strong about subjects in relation to...

That pretty much means I might say things many people don't agree with and I may have points of view that people find to be irrelivant and out dated... I feel until issues are resolved in the eye of the people who suffer from (racism, homophobia, sexism, and hate in general) it is never resolved.

Since I am a black female, I pretty much tend to take the black female perspective on things, which I feel is not accurrately depicted in the media. I feel I am open-minded, but that doesn't mean I agree with a lot of what I see and hear.

My mother calls me her lil' politican, because I have such strong views on thing, I know I'm not the first or only person to feel the way I do, but I love to talk and therefore I'mma talk about it.

Anyway, I'm not sure on how to end this, maybe I'll come up with a little catch phrase, but for now I'm just gonna end it with this....

Sometimes picking your nose allows you to touch that part of your brain that remembers what it was like to be a child.