THE SELF-DEPRECATING FAT GIRL...
I find myself often criticized for my self deprecation; perhaps it's a defense mechanism, but it's based on some semblance of reality.
That being said, I am in no way confused about who I am perse, and most definitely not confused about my looks and my perspective of how I am viewed. These perspectives are often reflected in the media and in your general conversation.
Be that as it may, people still think me wrong for being too aware of the reality, or maybe it's that the truth is discomforting. It's much easier to be a pseudo-thinker with understanding than it is to acknowledge someone else's perspectives.
Anyhow, I decided to blog about this, because I feel my tongue is often misunderstood, probably for good reason, but then again how many people actually take the time to get to know me; there aren't very many and most are putting you in a box anyhow.
Blah, blah, blah... the reality is being large (5'10" and 200+ pounds) means as a woman, you are UNATTRACTIVE. Let's face it, attractiveness will always be relative to thin, white and blonde; the Eurocentric ideals if you will.
I'm far from thin, though not ugly, but being chubby cheek and black never made the cover of VOGUE.
Though women of every shape and size get the disrespectful cat calls and disgusting excuse for a man to hit on them, the ratio is far higher if they think you're easy. Let's keep it real, men think big girls are EASY. Why you ask? Their perspective is, "who else wants you" or "you should be honored I'd be seen with you in public".
Don't believe me, take a look around during last call at the bar, all the big girls are being hit on; last call for alcohol and last call for pussy and no one wants to work hard whilst intoxicated.
I have often had to deal with a blatant disrespect from men, especially on the the NYC arts scene. You'd be surprised at who tried to get some ass in exchange for use of their studio, or who wants to text dirty for pussy all while putting on a front of artistic depth... may I add a NIGGA PLEASE and let the congregation say PHUCK YOU!
All in all, when I make statement about my size, I am fully aware that I'm not considered socially acceptable, I also know when you think telling me I'm pretty will get my pussy wet. I may be jaded, but my synopsis is highly founded on reality and day to day observation/ data.
I know there are girls who befriend me as the fat ugly friend and men who think I'll phuck them because their cute and wanted. So, why tell me I have low self-esteem. Truth be told, I have low esteem for others.
Not to mention, we as humans are social creatures; it's not easy to walk around in a body that nobody likes, and even if they do, you don't match their outfit or persona so... point is, this may discomfort you, but I've never been into bullshyt.
Many women of a certain size know what you want and find it rather insulting.
At the end of the day, I am human too and have a lot to offer if given the opportunity to been seen as more than an angry black woman. Unfortunately I didn't pick my complexion or gender, but have to be subjugated to a stereotype without any understanding of character or how such views are made.
In this world, women are nothing if they're not sexy and who the phuck wants to listen to a fat broad with too much smarts... no one. It is as I was told, intimidating.
I can admit to wishing I was a white man for this reason: my views would be taken with more validity had they come for a societal authority figure.
Beyond all that, I'm not going to act like I am not guilty of a bit of judgemental, however, wouldn't it be nice if people were judge on who they are first. I know a man of passion wouldn't be called angry, he would be seen as having conviction. Unfortunately my vagina means I'm too emotional and lack the wherewith all to speak soundly on anything except shoes and glittery things.
At the end of the day, my views on my physical apparence aren't based on having low self-esteem, shyt if I was a man, I'd marry me. However, I'm not a man, but I live in a man's world where ass is your best asset and mine is a bit too much for tha masses. Being over-weight is the kiss of death to a woman. Society still has a free-for-all in barading people of a certain size with insults as if they have no feelings, as if this person is not deserving of love. A fat man can have a wife, but a fat woman with a husband is often questioned as to "how the phuck did she get him" and "why the hell am I single when I'm so hot". I've been guilty of saying it about women larger than myself and have also heard women say that when I am with a man they find highly desireable. Not to worry ladies, he was only with me for some ass and when he didn't get it I was a "fat sloppy bitch". Warms the cockles of my heart (que smilie face).
Needless to say... and to end this rant, which is becoming redundant. My self deprecation and many other big gals, image of self sometimes is justified. Fellas, when is the last time you saw a big gal who was attractive and didn't offer a backhanded compliment of "you're pretty for a big girl".
Guess what, you're not handsome enough to be sporting a little dick.
FIN!
That being said, I am in no way confused about who I am perse, and most definitely not confused about my looks and my perspective of how I am viewed. These perspectives are often reflected in the media and in your general conversation.
Be that as it may, people still think me wrong for being too aware of the reality, or maybe it's that the truth is discomforting. It's much easier to be a pseudo-thinker with understanding than it is to acknowledge someone else's perspectives.
Anyhow, I decided to blog about this, because I feel my tongue is often misunderstood, probably for good reason, but then again how many people actually take the time to get to know me; there aren't very many and most are putting you in a box anyhow.
Blah, blah, blah... the reality is being large (5'10" and 200+ pounds) means as a woman, you are UNATTRACTIVE. Let's face it, attractiveness will always be relative to thin, white and blonde; the Eurocentric ideals if you will.
I'm far from thin, though not ugly, but being chubby cheek and black never made the cover of VOGUE.
Though women of every shape and size get the disrespectful cat calls and disgusting excuse for a man to hit on them, the ratio is far higher if they think you're easy. Let's keep it real, men think big girls are EASY. Why you ask? Their perspective is, "who else wants you" or "you should be honored I'd be seen with you in public".
Don't believe me, take a look around during last call at the bar, all the big girls are being hit on; last call for alcohol and last call for pussy and no one wants to work hard whilst intoxicated.
I have often had to deal with a blatant disrespect from men, especially on the the NYC arts scene. You'd be surprised at who tried to get some ass in exchange for use of their studio, or who wants to text dirty for pussy all while putting on a front of artistic depth... may I add a NIGGA PLEASE and let the congregation say PHUCK YOU!
All in all, when I make statement about my size, I am fully aware that I'm not considered socially acceptable, I also know when you think telling me I'm pretty will get my pussy wet. I may be jaded, but my synopsis is highly founded on reality and day to day observation/ data.
I know there are girls who befriend me as the fat ugly friend and men who think I'll phuck them because their cute and wanted. So, why tell me I have low self-esteem. Truth be told, I have low esteem for others.
Not to mention, we as humans are social creatures; it's not easy to walk around in a body that nobody likes, and even if they do, you don't match their outfit or persona so... point is, this may discomfort you, but I've never been into bullshyt.
Many women of a certain size know what you want and find it rather insulting.
At the end of the day, I am human too and have a lot to offer if given the opportunity to been seen as more than an angry black woman. Unfortunately I didn't pick my complexion or gender, but have to be subjugated to a stereotype without any understanding of character or how such views are made.
In this world, women are nothing if they're not sexy and who the phuck wants to listen to a fat broad with too much smarts... no one. It is as I was told, intimidating.
I can admit to wishing I was a white man for this reason: my views would be taken with more validity had they come for a societal authority figure.
Beyond all that, I'm not going to act like I am not guilty of a bit of judgemental, however, wouldn't it be nice if people were judge on who they are first. I know a man of passion wouldn't be called angry, he would be seen as having conviction. Unfortunately my vagina means I'm too emotional and lack the wherewith all to speak soundly on anything except shoes and glittery things.
At the end of the day, my views on my physical apparence aren't based on having low self-esteem, shyt if I was a man, I'd marry me. However, I'm not a man, but I live in a man's world where ass is your best asset and mine is a bit too much for tha masses. Being over-weight is the kiss of death to a woman. Society still has a free-for-all in barading people of a certain size with insults as if they have no feelings, as if this person is not deserving of love. A fat man can have a wife, but a fat woman with a husband is often questioned as to "how the phuck did she get him" and "why the hell am I single when I'm so hot". I've been guilty of saying it about women larger than myself and have also heard women say that when I am with a man they find highly desireable. Not to worry ladies, he was only with me for some ass and when he didn't get it I was a "fat sloppy bitch". Warms the cockles of my heart (que smilie face).
Needless to say... and to end this rant, which is becoming redundant. My self deprecation and many other big gals, image of self sometimes is justified. Fellas, when is the last time you saw a big gal who was attractive and didn't offer a backhanded compliment of "you're pretty for a big girl".
Guess what, you're not handsome enough to be sporting a little dick.
FIN!
